Handy Polymath

The Dark Ages evolves into the Renaissance

A few years ago I got a new brain, and suddenly my life didn’t fit me anymore.

I’d built my life to withstand the seasons. I made no commitments that could not be put on a shelf for winter. I spent half the year filling up the hole I dug myself into during the other half.

It never occurred to me that anything was wrong except chronic laziness. The flip side of a strong will is that when something happens that you can’t understand or control, sometimes you make it worse to reassure yourself that you’re not at the mercy of fate. “I’m not depressed for no reason, I’m just broken and self-destructive, and loathe myself accordingly.” It made a rough sense at the time.

The upshot was that even when I realized I had “a touch of seasonal affective disorder”, I was still blind to the massive accommodations I had made in life, to work around the fact that lack of sunlight caused my brain to hibernate.

Treating it eliminated the chronic onslaught of nihilism, but that was only the beginning of a much bigger overhaul. Once I broke through the bone deep expectation that I would shut down again, I could see the impact that survival instinct had made. With the elephant out of the room, I began to shovel through layers of crap and ruined carpet until I reached a sound subfloor.

This is the renovation, building anew from the foundation up.

Relative Denominations of Effort

When I was locked into the seasonal cycle of nihilistic winters and could only make hay when the sun shone, being able to compress 12 months of thinking and accomplishment into the months between April and September was a highly adaptive skill. Especially considering that the academic year is the opposite of when my brain worked best. These are Fits of Conan.

Fits of Conan are big bucks to spend. They are rare, wearying, dramatic, and I used to think the only headspace in which I could produce anything of use or merit.

In comparison, Aggregate Futzing is almost too cheap to meter. Aggregate Futzing is doing just one little thing, which is no big deal even if you don’t feel like it. It’s moving something to a different room, or finding the right cable, or looking up a parameter and noting it for later. Maybe I do a handful of them, if I get into the mood once I’m there. In effect, it’s the practice of setting myself up for success: what are the barriers keeping me from doing this Big Thing? Okay, let’s clear one or two and call it a day.

Eventually the way is clear and the Big Thing is easy, and often no longer a big thing. Strangely, this method takes less time (both invested time and chronological time) than gathering a head of steam and plowing through in a Fit of Conan.

The Stores

I paint, draw, knit, tat lace and crochet–in short because I’m simply wired to make things. I like the process of creation where a whisp of an idea evolves into a three-dimensional object. I like prototypes and failures, but I love when an idea comes together. I think others may also enjoy what I make, and so there are two places where my handiwork is available:

Superstruct Emporium of Delights
Nifty, lovely, funky and strange by turns, Superstruct offers knitted delights for green living, tatted lace, and whimsical toys for all ages.

On the Other Hand
Other Hand is the little table off to the side of Handy Polymath, where you can snag a shirt or a bag as a token of your own nonchalant renaissance, screened on demand when you place your order. I’ve chosen to set up shop with Skreened because of their ethical stance in both their business model and their charitable giving. Per Skreened, 10% of the profit Skreened makes goes to Kiva.org, boot-strapping entrepreneurs worldwide.

In addition, 10% of the profit I make from this store goes to Dawn Farm, helping folks achieve long-term recovery from addiction since 1973.

The Science Upgrade

I’m working on the prerequisite courses for entry into a program for Physical Therapy, which will take me a few years. Having avoided these classes the first time in college, I’m finding it strangely thrilling to trade soft sciences for hard: algebra, trigonometry, calculus, chemistry, physics. It’s science, kids! Science may bite, but don’t take it personally, it’s simply testing a theory.